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Arrival Questions

Three fixed questions asked every school pickup in the same order - specific enough to actually get answered, consistent enough to become ritual.

Cartoon illustration of a parent and child at home doing Arrival Questions.
  • Age2 to 9 years
  • TimeUnder 5 minutes
  • EnergyModerate
  • CostFree
  • WhereIndoors or out
  • PrepNone

Three questions, always the same, always in the same order, asked every time you pick your child up from school or care. Specific and answerable: not "how was school?" but questions that actually get responses.

How to do it

  1. Choose three questions your child can answer reliably. Make them concrete and specific, not open-ended. Good examples: "What did you eat for lunch?" "Who did you sit next to today?" "What made you laugh?" Poor examples: "How was your day?" "Did you have fun?": these invite one-word non-answers.
  2. Write them down somewhere you'll remember them. Try the same three for two weeks before changing anything.
  3. Ask all three, in order, every pickup: whether it goes well or not. Some days you'll get detailed answers. Some days you'll get one word each. Both count.
  4. After the three questions, let the conversation go wherever it goes: or end naturally. The three questions are the opening, not a full debrief.
  5. As your child gets older, update the questions to stay relevant. "What did you eat for lunch?" works for age 3; "What's something someone said today that you're still thinking about?" works for age 8.

Signs it is working

Your child starts answering the second question before you've finished asking the first. On difficult days they still answer: the predictability makes it easier to engage than an open-ended question that requires deciding what's worth sharing

If it is not quite clicking

Child refuses to answer on some days: Ask just one question and let the rest go: the ritual continues at reduced form. The same answers come out every day (for example, "fine, bread, Kai"): Let it run without changing the questions too quickly: consistency is the point. Pickup happens via a helper or grandparent: Share the questions with them so the ritual is consistent regardless of who collects the child.

Make it yours

Age 2-3: One question is enough. "What did you eat?" is a fully sufficient anchor for this age. Age 6-8: Questions can open into conversation more readily. Add "and then what happened?" if they seem to want to say more. Car pickup: The car is a strong ritual space: not being face-to-face reduces pressure, and the transition moment is natural.

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